My road to Self Confidence (Part One)

“A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms”

There are 7.442 billion people on this beautiful Earth. Though this can be perceived as scary and leaning towards overpopulation of our planet, most of the time those numbers mean more than just a scale or an analysis. We often tend to forget that while we may be going through either an emotional time or difficulties in our lives, someone else out there may actually experience the same things. As humans, it is normal to share, to feel and to experience something similar. With this in mind, I want to share with you the beginning of my journey towards self acceptance and self confidence.

As a child, you never really comprehend what means to be confident. Once you gradually move towards becoming a teenager, everything you ever slightly thought about yourself changes. This is the “teen phenomenon” as I like to call it. It is a period of total confusion and hormonal change both in body and mind. I, of course, was a victim as every single one of you were. I remember the first time I actually gave a damn about the way I looked. I was 15 years old, ready to take my middle school graduation photos and right then and there my inner voice told me: you don’t look great.  After that moment, I began to be more and more aware of my imperfections, of my bushy and burned hair, of my smile, of my eyebrows etc. Having more and more pimples did not help as well. I cannot tell you or even count how many times I’ve stared at myself in the mirror, examining everything I thought was wrong with me. Soon, imperfection was all I saw. For the next four years of my life I would view everyone but myself as beautiful. How is it possible to find beauty everywhere else but not within you? My family would always tell me that I am beautiful, and though these comments were comforting, in the back of your mind you also think : oh but it’s their job to tell me this. 

In this fogginess of low self esteem, I never actually realised that what you feel about yourself is also felt by others around you. Until the age of 18 and even 19, I would not even accept my friends’ comments because I got it into my head that they were just being sweet. After I got my braces off (yes, I did wear braces for one year and a half), just before my 19th birthday, I finally felt a glimpse of that confidence everyone was telling me about. It was a great, but also, only the beginning. As I graduated high school, I started taking care of myself more. Instead of plugging the hell out of my eyebrows, I would let them grow and eventually find my natural shape. I started taking care of my hair which, at that time, unknown to many, was probably my biggest insecurity.  I was grateful of it being so thick and wavy but it was really difficult to manage especially because it was burned. I finally got rid of most of my pimples and my face was looking clean for once too. During this process, I also thought that I had to do this for everyone to like me more, especially guys. Yes, I said it. I wanted to look good for guys. Not the best goal to reach but I have to admit, it gave me the motivation I needed. Now, after I’ve matured a bit more, I’ve come to the conclusion that you should be confident for YOU, and not for anyone else. After all, you are all you’ve got and it would be a shame to continue hating yourself for the rest of your life.

As I am sitting here writing this, I cannot help but stress that I am nowhere near the finish line. I still have days when I don’t feel beautiful at all. Where I am now is probably the best level of confidence I’ve ever had. It is truly fulfilling to be able to get yourself out of your own damaging thoughts. I am really proud of how far I’ve come, and I will continue everyday to feel beautiful, to smile and to be confident. And so, this is just my first chapter, a start of a journey towards self love. I want each of you to know that you are gorgeous souls who deserve the world and beyond. Never let everyone else or even you let you down. You know what they say, you can be your worst enemy.

XX

34 thoughts on “My road to Self Confidence (Part One)

  1. Great post. I imagine most be will be able to relate to it. For me, confidence grew with age. I started telling myself to get over myself; people are more pre occupied with how they look / act, that they’re not looking at me. Loved your analogy about flowers competing….I notice that the people that progress better on their careers are the ones that are not competing and trying to prove themselves.

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  2. The it’s their job part. That got me because that’s exactly how I feel whenever a family gives me a compliment. Oh, you’re supposed to say that. Or, of course you feel that way, it’s your job. You don’t realize just how much worse you’re making yourself feel when you think that way, but you are correct. It can be a fairly natural reaction especially if you’re lacking the confidence in yourself. I hope that you continue to find self confidence and love. I am on that quest myself.

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    1. I am so glad you found something in my post to identify with. Most of us, I think, tend to come up with that idea especially when we are in our lowest point, but it’s important to remember that family or not, they wouldn’t say something which wasn’t true

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  3. Some of your confidence will continue to develop with age…it’s one of the few perks 😉 I think so many of us compare ourselves to others (or what we perceive others to be), or even worse, compare ourselves to what we “think” we should be. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

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    1. Exactly, age does wonders to self confidence. Also we cannot help ourselves but compare our own traits with others. That’s how we are but someday we’ll come to learn that each of us is unique in their own way😊

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  4. What a great post, and what a lovely reminder right at the beginning of the week. So much of it is not giving so much importance to how others see you, but ultimately it’s about being comfortable in your own skin. I’m glad you’ve been making progress in overcoming the challenges!

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  5. Thank you for this. It’s a journey that we are all in together. Sometimes I dwell on my imperfections but I also know that most people are not really looking as deeply as I am at what I perceive to be wrong with myself. Becoming comfortable with yourself can be difficult but so worth it.

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    1. Exactly! We tend to overthink some aspects that may actually be insignificant to others. As a result, it can do more damage to our minds but honestly, we are all such beautiful people and we need to learn to accept that☺️

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  6. Aw, you remind me of those awkward teen years. Oh yes, we all had something we didn’t like about ourselves as teens. For me it was my thick specs. I distinctly remember the day when I decided to let go of the self-loathing and just love myself, warts and all. It was also the day I realised everyone I knew suffered from the same insecurities. Sooo liberating!

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    1. Yes, it is probably one of the most amazing feelings ever because you can finally see that everyone is the same yet different at the same time. It is truly beautiful to be able to love yourself ☺️

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  7. I was just working on something a little similar in my writing today. I looked back on when I was growing up and what the others are saying is true. Confidence does come with age. I too love the flower analogy! It’s so true! This is a battle I still face from time to time. It helps knowing that we’re not alone.

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  8. “A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms” I love this quote so much! This was such a great read. Great job at getting where you are now, and keep it up!

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  9. I feel like we can all recall that first, or first few insecure thoughts that entered our mind like you said happened when you were 15. I have a daughter and pray she’s confident in who she is. Thank you for sharing

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    1. Thank you so much for taking a moment of your time to read this. I pray your daughter is as confident as she can be ☺️

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  10. Was a beautiful redaction about who you was and who you are now; I think that since child we have to deal with many changes in our body and mind, but specially during the teenager we start thinking about our beauty and how the people see us; now I understand all this changes and I try to teach to my nieces and nephews what do to deal with that.

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    1. When you are a teen I guess it’s partially because of our hormones that we view ourselves that way. As we grow older we realise we have been idiots all this time:))

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  11. Self confidence is a lifelong journey. I really want to focus on the “self” part, because I feel often that I only feel confident in myself when others are confident in me. It should be the other way around.

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  12. Thank you for a great post. So many women struggle with confidence, but not many admit it. It’s so nice when people are open about their struggles, it might help someone out in ways you’ll never even know.

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    1. I agree, we should really be more opened about this because it’s an issue that I truly believe every woman has faced. I am so happy you enjoyed this post. Thank you X

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  13. I can totally relate. I hated my appearance as a teen and it greatly affected my confidence. After losing a lot of weight in college, my self-esteem grew but it was only a temporary boost. It wasn’t until adulthood that I really became confident in myself. Part of it was, as you said, making changes to my outer appearance — my hair, learning how to apply makeup better — but a larger part of it came from the inside, finally learning to love and accept every part of myself. Also, spending time with people who appreciated me for who I was, rather than spending a lot of energy trying to win the approval of people who didn’t, made a big difference.

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    1. I couldn’t have said it any better. Confidence must come from within at first. Its the core. And because of that I think we start wanting to take care of ourselves, not just the appearance, but also our mind. Thank you so much for this comment. I love seeing people become more confident! ♥️

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