Being a twin

For as long as I can remember, people have always been shocked when they found out I have a twin brother. Maybe it is because twins aren’t as common. I’ve even had people ask me if I could read my brother’s mind (typical stereotype of twins). Well spoiler alert, nope, I cannot do that, though sometimes I admit it would come in-handy. According to my grandpa, there’s record of twins in our family, who would always be born after four generations have passed. Now, I don’t know if I believe this or not. He also said to me one time that he always knew one of his children would have twins. Kind of crazy if I think about it.

Growing up with a twin is, well, challenging. In spite of what some people may think, twins have very contrasting personalities. While my brother would love everything involving computers, science and math, I would love to draw, sing and be creative. We were so different that one of my teachers even said to my mom that she has never met twins as opposite as we were. On top of that, we had our moments when we really didn’t get along at all ( I think all siblings have that phase 😅)

I never saw this as something unusual though. I love the fact that we each have our own unique characters and interests. Even though twins share a womb and a birthday, it doesn’t mean that we are by any means similar. We are like night and day, two separate people, yet somehow, we are connected. Every time my brother would get hurt I would feel that pain. Every time he would be anxious for a grade at school, I would be as well and I am sure that he would say the same. It is a feeling that I can’t quite explain because it’s been there all along.

And so, I can say with absolute certainty that having a twin brother is one of the best things. Though I don’t really say it, I appreciate him every day, even when he barges into my room to tell me bad jokes or when he gets on my nerves or when he reminds me he’s 5 minutes older. He has and always will be there for me and that is the beauty of a brother-sister bond. Though we disagree sometimes, we know we can count on each other. Being a twin can mean chaos, but it’s also unique, beautiful and unlike anything else.

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Alive

We all have those days when you’re just struggling. Life is a roller coaster and while I’m just at the beginning of it, I too have bad days. Yet, between all that chaos there’s always something bright. No one can really hate all their bad experiences mainly because they happen for a reason, they guide you towards this foggy road called life. The more I am maturing the more I see that the world around us is of unimaginable beauty. There is always light at the end of the tunnel they say, and I almost agree. What we fail to realise is that between those dark days, right in the middle, there is a small glittering light desperate to get your attention. It can posses any form but most importantly, it’s always small things. And so, I’ve decided to share some moments when I’ve felt most alive in for of short stories. For me it’s a reminder of how amazing and unique life is.

I have this tradition with some of my friends to go on the rooftop of our local mall, mostly after it gets dark, to relax. We even put some music we used to listen to when we were little sometimes to get the nostalgia going. It’s an intimate moment when we are most vulnerable. I cannot say exactly what it is about that place that makes it special, but for us it is. It’s a place of no limits, no boundaries, a different world which separates us from the city covered in lights. The more we went there, the more we felt safe and confident so naturally those emotions awake a slightly wild side. I know what you’re thinking: introverts have a wild side? Well I am here to answer that dilema by saying that yes, we have it but it’s a different version. With that in mind, imagine 5 people screaming from the top of their lungs: “BLOODY HELL” in a failed British accent. It may not seem like much, but for me it’s everything because while I am screaming that, I also get the problems out of me.

This past summer I went to stay at one of my friends from College for a few days. She was so sweet and each day tried so hard to find interesting activities for us to do. What she didn’t know was that I was extremely happy just to be there. She doesn’t live in the city so she is surrounded by forests and mountains. At that time I really needed an escape to fix myself and the fact that I was even able to go there meant more than she’ll ever know. Her dad too was extremely nice and offered to show us around, or to put it into his words, to give us a taste of their home. We hopped on the back of his truck and held on tight as he drove us through their forest and hills. I have never in my entire life experienced that kind of freedom. It was like a drug. I couldn’t stop laughing and at one point my eyes started to form tears of joy. The wind was blowing through my hair and the fresh air of summer made me feel like I was in a fairy tale, like I was living my grandparents’ childhood. Being a full fledged city girl, of course I’ve never quite experienced the countryside life so all of this was new to me. For the first time in my life I truly felt what it means to be free.

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My best friend has a dog and she frequently asks me to join her when she walks him. We have a little area in our neighborhood where people walk their dogs. Even though it’s in the city, the little river near this place gives our neighborhood a taste of nature and piece. You can never fully grasp how a walk can calm you. It’s also a way for us to spend time together since we go to different schools now. She probably has no idea how much these walks mean to me. We can sit down on a bench and just chat about various things while watching dogs play. Being able to do this almost every week has kept me sane during school year. I can shed my problems, laugh and even play with the dogs. I cannot even put into words how happy I am every time we chase after him when he goes too far or when we bring some snacks with us or when we listen to the wind. In fact, the other day my best friend was telling me how much her dog helps and supports her. Right then and there I realised that yes, he helps her, but they also help me too.

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Every night I have dinner with my dad and my twin brother while my mom watches us. It’s become a habit for us, mainly because we don’t get to eat that often as a family. Dad started this since we were in middle school. He knew that we didn’t get to spend time together during the day because he and mom went to work while me and my brother went to school. Mom joined in too and so began our nightly meals together. They would always ask us about our day and vice versa, we would laugh as my mom and dad tease each other. I don’t think I ever understood how important this was and still is until recently. Every day I realise how blessed I am to have the most incredible parents out there who have done everything to give me and my brother the best life.  I now cherish these dinners as they are the most magical moments. It is truly amazing when we all laugh at my brother’s silly jokes or when my dad makes a narcissistic comment. I honestly believe that these dinners make us closer as a family and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

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“The quirky things that make you different are what make you beautiful”

When I was little, I used to think that celebrities were the embodiment of perfection. Every time I would see them on TV or read about them I would express in my mind my desire to be just like them.

As I got older, I started to see the bubble that was shielding them from reality.  What we sometimes don’t realise is that we are all human. We all make mistakes, we struggle, some more than others. I wish that I knew this back when I was 16. I was so insecure and shy. I lacked self confidence to the point where I would think that I was worthless. In short, I wasn’t capable of loving myself. I used to envy everyone around me and saw beauty in each human whom I’ve crossed paths with but myself ( still do sometimes ).  I would look at different celebrities and think Oh, I wish I was just like her/him, they’ve got it all figured out. If only I knew then how wrong I was. By the time I graduated I thought that I knew who I was, that I was ready for the real world. But let me tell you something that I would have liked to know back then, you’re never ready. I was just a 19 year old who was stepping into the real world and didn’t fully grasp the full meaning of that aspect. College life proved to be a difficult yet exciting change and for the past year I’ve grown so much as a young woman. I guess it’s true what they say that everything happens for a reason. The experiences that I’ve gone through so far have shaped my mind and soul so much that I no longer saw celebrities as inhuman. Of course they had fame and money but that didn’t mean that they were by any means happier than us. The more my blindness started to vanish the more I saw how vulnerable they truly are.


I’ve been a huge fan of Lily Collins ever since I saw Mortal Instruments: City of Bones in 2013. Once I heard that she was writing a book, more specifically a memoir, something told me that I had to have it.  I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get it when it was released as I am living in Romania, so I had to wait a little for Unfiltered to be released here as well. My life got so busy due to my exams that didn’t have the time to even think about buying the book. As fate would have it, I would get my hands on it when I needed the most. Two weeks ago my instincts told me that I shouldn’t delay it any longer and sure enough, three days later I had Unfiltered in my possession. Even though I was really excited I can honestly say that I didn’t know what to expect. Was it going to help me? Was it going to empower me? I will never forget the moment I turned my first page and read The quirky things that make you different are what make you beautiful. 

From that moment I was hooked. For the first time we were given the opportunity to see that a celebrity is nowhere near perfect but that imperfection holds an unimaginable beauty. Reading about how Lily struggled with anorexia as a teenager made me understand those who suffer from this more. I was almost in tears when she explained her fear of never being able to have children, a fear that I also have because of my small ovarian cysts. I have come to admire her more ( if that was even possible ) for her courage to share her life without any filters. Through her words, she encouraged me to love myself even if it will be hard at times, that I am enough on my own  and I don’t need anyone to complete me, that I can be silly because that’s our best part. I found myself relating to her more than I could have ever imagined.


As I mentioned before, I’ve had a hard time loving and accepting myself. I never saw myself as beautiful until I was 18 and still then it was just a small progress towards confidence. Yet everyday I tried to look at myself in the mirror and repeat that I am beautiful over and over again. I knew I had a long way to go but I kept trying not for anyone but myself. I had to understand that not everyone is going to like me, so I needed to accept myself as I am because there is only one of me. When I read her first chapter about her insecurities due to her eyebrows and that she learned to love what makes her unique thanks to her mother’s advice, something in me changed. It’s only been a week and a half since I read it but I can honestly say that I’ve never loved myself more. Of course my confidence still needs some work but I realised that if I don’t love myself then why expect others to. I also felt self conscious about my hair when I was younger. It used to be very bushy, and because of that I referred to it as “Hermione style”. I hated the fact that it looked so burned and I preferred it to be flat rather than full of volume. With time though I started to take care of it better and today I adore my hair, it’s become one of my best features and I always get compliments on it.



I was on the train, trying to get away from the city life when I reached a chapter where she talked about how she looked too young for her age. Believe it or not, looking younger than you are can be both a blessing and a curse. Everyone around me told me that I should appreciate it and believe me, I do, but sometimes it can be a bit annoying because people tend to treat you like a child. Reading about how Lily struggled during her auditions because she looked too young made me feel so relieved that someone finally understood.


 Also, like Lily, I like to surprise people too. I love the look on their faces when they find out that I’m 20 instead of 15-16 and that my personality is way different than what they’ve had in mind at first glance. I am also not a fan of drinking to have fun and sometimes I am too compassionate. I loved how she talked about tattoos, how a story could be told just by a simple tattoo. What impressed me the most though was the story of her abusive relationship. When you’re in that kind of situation, it’s hard to leave that person because you love them and in your mind you feel like you have a responsibility to help them. It must have taken a lot to speak up and accept that you deserve better. When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them. I will never forget this.

I urge everyone to get Unfiltered not only because you’re a fan of Lily Collins but also because there’s not a person in this world who cannot relate to her book. It has now become one of my favourite books that I will most likely re-read when I am feeling down about myself. The truth is, we are constantly evolving. No one has life figured out yet and even though sometimes things might be hard remember that things are going to get better and you are strong enough. We need to accept the things that make us unique! 


            Love Always and Forever”

                                               -Lily Collins


Escape

Everyone needs an escape once in a while. This world is so imperfect sometimes that we have to find a way to recharge our batteries. Most of us want a quiet place, where your thoughts stop flowing like crazy maniacs and try to mess with you. It is a shelter of warmth and security, a mini “paradise” which allows you to escape reality or disappointment. And believe me, I’ve had my fair share of disappointments from people who I barely knew and people who were closest to me. There is nothing we can do about it other than trying to accept things as they are and be prepared for what’s to come. In other words, an escape place is essential to our mind. Some people search for it for years and others don’t realise that it’s just sitting there, right under their nose.

Ever since I was little I was drawn to the artistic side of life. I hated the logical point of view. I wanted to explore, to imagine, to comment and go beyond rational meaning. I was also drawn to drawing. I found this unexplainable joy whenever I would touch a pencil. If only did i know at that time just how much I would need drawing. As I grew up, I began to rely more and more on it. I was a bit of a loner back then, I didn’t mind it at first but at around 13 years old I began to worry about myself because every summer from 6th grade until the 8th grade I would be alone and drawing was the only thing that brought me happiness. I made comics of the person that I wanted to be, this powerful, confident, intelligent girl that could do anything she wanted without caring what others thought. Instead of thinking how lonely I was, I would just draw. My mind would stop shouting negativity as I was holding my pencil.

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After I entered high school for some reason I stopped drawing. I was no longer the lonely girl and I started to change, to shape into a better and more confident person. And so, I almost gave up drawing because I didn’t feel like I needed it anymore. How wrong was I… My senior year was probably the hardest year I’ve ever had to face. On one hand I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with my life and I was also going through some personal stuff too. One day though, everything changed. Somehow my passion for drawing came back and I was really nervous at first to pick up a pencil again, but I knew I had to do it. I questioned my ability to draw, of course, since it’s been a couple of years since I last made a proper sketch. I was scared that maybe I’ve lost it and I disappointment was written all over my faced as I realised how I’ve neglected a gift, a talent that got me through so many things. At that moment all I could think was “Okay, if I really lost my ability to draw I will do everything in my power to get it back.”

The thing is, when you love something that much you just can’t even process the possibility of it fading away from your grasp. I made my first few lines and from there, my mind stopped worrying. “I forgot how much I loved this” I thought. And from then on I couldn’t stop. Believe it or not, even with those years when I didn’t really practice my drawing, my skills were now better than ever. From then on, a new world was born, a world that will never disappear, a world which will never let me stop drawing ever again because if I really were to completely stop, it would be like losing the ability to breathe. Some people try their hardest to find their escape, and mine has been there all along but I was oblivious of its existence. “This is my escape” I whispered…

 

 

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PS: I have an Instagram dedicated to my drawings if you want to check it out @acourtofartanddreams 

The loveliest family on YouTube

In this day and age it is quite hard to find people who can truly be real. Sadly, there is still a lot of hate and judgement in this world which is now so fragile. Young generations don’t deserve to be surrounded by this fog of negativity. Yet, through all of this, there are still some bright lights. In my years of watching YouTubers, I’m not going to lie, I’ve stumbled upon a lot of people who weren’t that inspirational, some who used the platform to spread negative thoughts. For years and years I’ve searched for YouTubers who can give me strength, who can make me laugh, who can spread encouragement and creativity, and most of all, people who appreciate small things the most.

Lindy(Bubzbeauty), Zoe (Zoella), Alfie Deyes (PointlessBlog), Lilly (Superwoman) and Sasha Alsberg (Abookutopia) were actually among the only ones that I considered true, kind and inspirational from the numerous YouTubers I’ve watched over the past 3 years. That is until I found The Michalaks’ channel which at that time was still Hannah’s main channel. I completely fell in love with their little family. They never tried to be perfect, that wasn’t their purpose. I think this is why I love them so much. Their character, kind souls, funny jokes( YES STEF, I LOVE YOUR JOKES) and their unconditional love for small things and their son just warmed my heart. There is something special about this family and I feel incredibly lucky that I’ve had the privilege to watch their journey from the moment Grayson was born. e9ecf7ee1053f83096a78aa9a4082ba8

There aren’t words to describe how much they’ve inspired me to enjoy each moment, to appreciate art more and ultimately start my own YouTube channel. They genuinly love and appreciate every single one of their followers. We really need more people like them to make our day, who want to spread only love. Stef’s unique montages are something I’ve never seen before and Hannah’s kindness is just so bright. These people deserve everything the life has to offer and even more because they change people from all over the world. Hannah, Stef, you will never know how much a part of our lives you are and I hope that you will never stop doing what you love. I almost cried when I found out Hannah was pregnant because truly there isn’t a more deserving family than The Michalaks.

 

Spread ONLY love, NOT hate

 

PS: JUST WATCH THIS, IT WILL MAKE YOUR DAY

The Michalaks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2Ex6mz9I0DS92uVoW6pfSg

Reality

When you’re a kid you don’t really understand what it means to be a grown up. In fact, you cannot wait for that day to come sooner. Any child wants to be able to eat sugar at any time they want, or go to sleep past their bedtime. Throughout the years we watched our parents be independent and we always believed they could do anything they wanted. We couldn’t wait to grow up so we could be just like them. And so we patiently wait, dreaming about the adult life filled with freedom, independence, adventure and thrill.

Reality is something that we, as children, could not really understand. Childhood is, as I call it a “fairy tale”, an escape from reality. We are loved and sheltered by our parents and we lived in complete ignorance of what is actually going on in this world. It wasn’t our fault of course. Any child should be able to have that escape, to only worry about their toy collection or having someone to play with, to be oblivious of the bad parts. And so, the circle of life continues. With every passing year the child starts to change. They become more aware of their surroundings and once the teenage years come along they start experiencing new emotions, good and bad: love, passion, moodiness, anxiety, depression. I think these are truly the starting point of our journey to adulthood because for the first time we get a glimpse that things are not as perfect as they seemed to be. You start contemplating about your past, your childhood and realise that hey, that part of our life was pretty amazing.

My first glimpse of reality was when I had to decide what I was going to do with my life. When I was little, I always had this idea in my mind that I wanted to be an actress, and then a comic artist, and then a designer. If only I knew back then that it wasn’t so easy. When I actually had to choose which path I should take I felt like I was being trapped into a dungeon, a very cold and lifeless dungeon. Fear quickly made its way too. It was the first time that I understood that life is not a game, and you have to choose your next move carefully. Even after I finished high school I wasn’t completely aware that yes, I was finally an adult. As I entered in University, life seemed better than ever. I found this new freedom thrilling, challenging. It was exactly what I needed. But freedom brings more than just thrill and adventure. It opens the door to the real world. Now you are in charge of your life and whether you like it or not, it will have many difficulties.

You now are mature enough to see the reality, to be aware of the good and the bad parts. There is a whole world out there that we have yet to know, a world which may not have the same privileges as us. Reality is imperfect and because of this, many people aren’t always blessed like the rest of us. The world is much more than just your family, friends, town or country. This is what it means to be an adult, to fight for what you want, to survive failure and rise from the ground because boy, once you do, nothing can stop you.

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Always love, not hate

Seasons change, and I’m changing too…

 

I’ve been really struggling lately to express my thoughts into words. Every single time I would try to write something I would fail, even if in the back of my mind I had a world filled with words that wanted to say. It was like I couldn’t be myself anymore. It got to a point where I believed that I won’t be able to write again and I hated the idea because my ocean of words never really vanished or faded away, I just simply didn’t know how to access it anymore.

My life has been a series of transitions this past year. For one thing, I’ve officially entered the world of adulthood as I am now a University student. Though I’ve wished for this moment for the past year and a half, when it actually started I’ve found myself being more confused. The transition from high school to University was one of the biggest changes I’ve ever had to face and I’m still in that process. The first week of University filled my mind with numerous questions such as “Am I able to accumulate so much information?” “Am I good enough to get my degree?” “Am I ready for this?”. With all these questions though, I’ve never felt that I didn’t belong there. I was able to find people who share the same interests as I do, who understand me in so many ways and also teachers who are willing to expand our world of knowledge. I’ve also started doing YouTube videos this past August. A dream finally came true. For years I’ve wondered if I should do it or not. I’ve doubted myself, that I will be able to put myself out there. You know what they say: you are your worst enemy. In the end, indeed, I could and this experience brought me a new passion and also brought me out of my comfort zone.

As the seasons change, I’m changing along with them. I’m maturing and becoming a woman. I’ve promised myself that throughout all of this I’ll never let go of my childhood self, that I’ll cherish it until the end because after all, it’s the purest part of ours, whether you like to admit it or not. Our journey is based on changes. Without them, we’ll never grow.

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“I’m not stubborn. My way is just better”

via Daily Prompt: Stubborn

 

Imagine that there is this minion within you wanting to control every decision you ever make and every opinion you ever have. That little minion’s name is Stubbornness. He usually likes to stick with his own opinion and never listen to others even when what he believes or says is not true. For example, one person could try to share their thoughts and knowledge but you just refuse to accept them because you believe in other ideas. This comes as a disadvantage for you as you’ll be grounded even more in your own little world.

89dc98e0c40522d46becfe6736e173c3Story-time: 

In 2014 on Christmas break my best friend was trying to convince me to go ice skating. I didn’t know how to but she promised that she would teach me. Having my introverted side unleashed, I kept telling her that I don’t really want to. Also, I didn’t know how it was going to be and different scenes like me having to watch while the rest of the people had fun kept coming into my head.  ended up going eventually and I’ve never had s much fun in a while. I even learned how to ice skate, all because I didn’t let my stubbornness get in the way. My best friend helped a lot too. She never gave up on me because she knew that I would have fun. She taught me to not be afraid to try new things and I’m always going to be grateful for that.

Moral of the story, don’t let stubbornness get in the way. I had to learn this the hard way but I was lucky because I had a great best friend who still pushes me to try new things. If you don’t try you’ll never know.

“Hope begins with the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you never give up”

 

 

< I do not own the pictures, you can find them here:https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/89/dc/98/89dc98e0c40522d46becfe6736e173c3.jpg   https://4tololo.ru/files/u7/sposobnosti-disneevskih-princes-23.gif &gt;

It all changes with time

Time, could be your ally or your worst enemy. You keep counting on it when you really want to escape for example, a really bad situation that you’re in. You just keep telling yourself: “Well time heals everything, I just have to be patient.”  Time brings changes, whether you like them or not. We keep forgetting sometimes that with time, we change as well, we become the people we are meant to be. This also applies to friendships. Some are meant to last forever, others are just going to disappear at the most unexpected times.

I was attending my childhood friend’s birthday party a couple of days ago. We have a really strange relationship when we tease each other(not because of romantic reasons ), fight like an old married couple and also care about the other in our own way. There was one moment in the past when it was just me and him and I loved the fact that I was a person that he could rely on to share secrets, insecurities and dreams. I thought that it was going to be like this forever and that our unique friendship will last forever. I guess i was wrong partially.

While his mom was bringing the cake, I looked around the room and saw all of the people he now has in his life, the people he now puts his trust in.We all sang happy birthday to him and wished him happiness. Seeing all those people wishing him well made me realise that I was no longer that person he always went to when he needed someone to talk. He no longer tells me anything really. Sure when we hang out sometimes and it all seems like before but in reality it’s nothing like it. It is bitter sweet to see that friendship changing. I sometimes find myself wishing it was all like before, that he didn’t push me away, that he still entrusts me with all his thoughts. One good thing that came out of this is his new friends. I always wished for him to be surrounded by people who actually cared and I really hope that his new friends are there for him.

Time changes everything, and even though we may lose some things in the process all you need to remember is that everything happens for a reason.It’s never going to be the same but you have to accept the idea that maybe this needed to happen. Each challenge sets your path towards the person you are going to be. Don’t ask “why”, just trust that everything is happening in order for you to grow.