“I am afraid“. These three words are always the hardest to come out of my mouth. I don’t always like to admit it, mainly because I have this idea in my head that I would seem weak. We all are afraid of something and that’s normal, but sometimes it is hard to accept the idea of fear. It consumes us until the loneliness of that dark place becomes too overwhelming. I always have to remind myself that being afraid doesn’t make you weak. Admitting it actually makes you stronger. So, yes, I am afraid…I am afraid that my life isn’t going to be epic, adventurous, amazing and, most of all, inspiring.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I am trapped in this dungeon which keeps me from the outside world. I only know half the way to reach the and and escape. To be honest, I actually don’t know what I want to do with my life, which path I should take, and everyday I become more and more confused. I know that I want an extraordinary life, filled with passion, adventure and even a little bit of danger( quoting Damon Salvatore a bit there hehe 😀 ) but I don’t know how to fulfill those things. I am so afraid that my life will end up being ordinary, and while most of the people want that, I actually don’t. Every life has a purpose, and I want mine to be special, to be inspiring. There is just so much more to this life than ordinary. I see all these people changing lives, doing extraordinary things and I’m just sitting here, doing nothing. This bothers me the most. I guess Belle’s words really represent me, they are a part of me, the part which is desperate to get out. Not everyone understands my desires, which makes me feel even lonelier. My conscious wants to scream, to be set free but I just really don’t know how to do that.
“I want adventure in the great wild somewhere,
I want it more than I can tell…
And for once it might be grand
To have someone understand
I want so much more than they’ve got planned”
I feel trapped and it is terrifying to think that maybe I won’t ever get out. There must be a way out, there must be something to help me escape this blur. It is a very lonely road ahead of me and while I don’t really now it yet, I am ready to face every challenge, every hardship just so I could find who I’m supposed to be. I hope it will be worth it… That I am worthy of an extraordinary life…
I want to LIVE